Every Sunday: Drag

2008-04-12T12:22:00.001-05:00

Weather Outside = Frightful
Today is my birthday. To celebrate, we are going to the Royals game. Six hours before game time, snow is falling.

* * *

2008-03-30T22:26:00.011-05:00

TreeUI
A drunk* driver crashed into the sweetgum tree in our front yard tonight.

I was studying economics in the den, and Gracie was lying next to me when we heard a police siren and saw headlights and flashing lights through the blinds. Kristin ran downstairs, and we snooped through the living room blinds. Then, we heard the police officer shout, "Turn off the car!"

Until Kristin looked more closely, I thought the officer was making a routine traffic stop. The stopped SUV had driven over the curb and hit the tree.

The driver had trouble walking and was disoriented. Kristin noticed a KU license plate, and we figured this chap had overindulged while celebrating the Kansas men's basketball team's victory over Davidson, a commuter school in the No. 10 seed.

After a few minutes, the police officer spotted Kristin peeking through the window, waved his flashlight and came to the door. He took my information and said he would return with a copy of the report.

Fortunately, no one was injured, and our tree shows no signs of damage. At worst, the SUV knocked a couple landscape bricks out of position.

The officer said a neighbor down the street had called the police because the driver was idling at the yield sign at the corner for 20-30 minutes. When the officer arrived, the driver began moving at about 5 mph. He drove over the curb and "crashed."

*Allegedly.

* * *

No. 1s
All the No. 1 seeds are in the Final Four, and I am currently No. 1 in our free company-sponsored office pool. If North Carolina and Memphis win, and if North Carolina wins it all, I win a gift card. Whee!

* * *

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
My 2008 MLB predictions:

NL East
New York Mets

NL Central
Chicago Cubs

NL West
Colorado Rockies

NL Wild Card
Milwaukee Brewers

AL East
Boston Red Sox

AL Central
Cleveland Indians

AL West
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

AL Wild Card
Detroit Tigers

* * *

2008-03-24T23:23:00.002-05:00

'Maker of Modern Minor Masterpieces'
A minor mix for DJ Usurp.

* * *

2008-03-08T09:50:00.003-06:00

Another Place/Another Land
A mix for RJP's move from Manhattan to Nashville.

* * *

2008-03-04T23:26:00.003-06:00

#82 Blogs
Thirty-five or so of the 81 items on Stuff White People Like apply to me.

* * *

2008-02-23T16:45:00.003-06:00

Sweet Sweding Scene
My favorite part of Be Kind Rewind is the montage that shows the characters sweding Carrie, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Men in Black and other movies all in a row. It looks like one continuous shot.

Netflix rating: Three stars.

* * *

2008-02-19T22:42:00.005-06:00

Oingo Boingo? Fandango? Bingo Was Its Name-O?
Today, I took a Dreamweaver class. The instructor was talking about how a database or CMS can feed a Web site. A fellow student asked what CMS means. The instructor replied, "Content management system." He gave one example of a CMS.

Then, he furrowed his brow and said the name of another CMS was slipping his mind. "I want to say ... mango?" he said.

"Django," I said.

"Yes. Django."

* * *

2008-01-19T11:37:00.000-06:00

2007: 'The Dashboard Melted, but We Still Have the Radio'
And that's all that matters.

In 2007, singles and individual tracks > the albums on which they appeared. I skipped to these tracks (in no particular order) more than others in 2007:

"Dashboard" by Modest Mouse
"Green Gloves" by The National
"Rag and Bone" by The White Stripes
"Flashing Lights" by Kanye West feat. Dwele
"Australia" by The Shins
"Don't You Evah" by Spoon
"Young Folks" by Peter Bjorn and John
"A Postcard to Nina" by Jens Lekman
"Intervention"/"No Cars Go" by Arcade Fire
"All My Friends" by LCD Soundsystem
"The Sons of Cain" by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
"Comfy in Nautica" by Panda Bear
"Paper Planes" by M.I.A.

* * *

Maybe Kansas City Will Be Next
I'm ready to call myself an EveryBlockhead.

* * *

P.S.
I finally created a Google account to sign in to Blogger and bought a new computer. It's good to be back.

* * *

2006-10-31T20:12:00.000-06:00

Doggone!
A post?!

I have a hokey Halloween tradition. Like on Martin Luther King Day and April 4, when I try to listen to U2's "Pride (In the Name of Love)," I dig out my copy of Michael Jackson's Thriller and listen to one of the scariest pop songs of all time.

When he made Thriller, Jacko wasn't too wacko, so he and Quincy Jones needed to invite one of the most distinct voices in popular culture to perform a spooky cameo, including a little spoken word that raises the hairs on the back of my neck.

I'm not talking about Vincent Price's cameo in "Thriller." The creepier cameo is Paul McCartney's guest appearance in "The Girl Is Mine," his horrifying duet with Jackson.

The awkward music, use of the word doggone, sustained ascending guitar fills and "mine, mine" refrain at the end don't help.

O, horrible! O, horrible, most horrible!

* * *

2006-05-15T17:05:00.000-05:00

Speech!
Today, I ate a ham sandwich.

* * *

2006-04-16T22:49:00.000-05:00

Two-fer
A bonus mix for the prolific DJ Usurp.

A birthday mix for the color-printing DJ Usurp.

* * *

2006-04-02T03:42:00.000-05:00

Love Is ...
Adding your fiance to your Netflix account.

* * *

2006-04-02T03:40:00.000-05:00

Hiatus
Every Sunday: Drag will be going on hiatus while the home office moves and settles in across town. See you in April, fools!

* * *

2006-01-30T23:25:00.000-06:00

2005: ‘They’re Trying to Wash Us Away’
Sorry, kids. A deadly combination of January hibernation, procrastination and the home-purchasing situation has pushed me past my deadline. So far, I have comments about most of my favorite singles but no ranks. Conversely, I have ranks for my favorite albums but no comments written yet. To publish something before Pazz & Jop, I have decided to unveil my anticlimactic favorite-albums list. Maybe I’ll add comments later. Probably not in February, though, so probably never. (Disclaimer: I have not heard many 2005 albums — Separation Sunday, Get Behind Me Satan, Bang Bang Rock & Roll, etc. — I suspect I would like. You go to war with the army you have, not the army you wish to have.)

‘These Things Take Forever; I Especially Am Slow:’ Favorite Albums of 2005
10. Late Registration by Kanye West
09. Gimme Fiction by Spoon
08. Apologies to the Queen Mary by Wolf Parade
07. Twin Cinema by The New Pornographers
06. Be by Common
05. Illinois by Sufjan Stevens
04. EP by The Fiery Furnaces
03. A Certain Trigger by Maxïmo Park
02. The Woods by Sleater-Kinney
01. I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning by Bright Eyes

* * *

The Nice Prices
Tidbits: I received three of the top five for free! I bought the No. 1 record because it was on sale for $6.99 at Target. Lotsa bang for li’l buck, baby.

* * *

Don’t Believe the Hype
I listened to Clap Your Hands Say Yeah by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah once this year. I neither clapped my hands nor said, “Yeah.”

* * *

2006-01-30T00:19:00.000-06:00

2005: ‘My Sh--’

Worst Single of ~~2005~~ All Time
“My Humps” by Black Eyed Peas :: Because this lite-rap group ain’t got no skillz, and especially because it ain’t got no subtlety, “My Humps” is embarrassing. The song should humiliate Fergie, not because she sings about flaunting her physical features for material gain but because she delivers such tame and, therefore, lame lyrics. By using weak and awkwardly literal euphemisms and innuendo, she sounds as credible as a nun operating a phone-sex line.

Songs can be steamy and bleep-free. Listen to old blues and rock songs for coy, top 40-approved words with X-rated between-the-lines meanings.

A couple days after I first heard this song, I saw the scene in It’s a Wonderful Life in which George Bailey and Mary, his future wife, both listen to the ear piece of an old-timey phone together. Leaning toward her, Jimmy Stewart’s character smells Donna Reed’s character’s hair, and you can tell they have that warm, woozy feeling in their abdomens. The movie is a family flick played every Christmas, but that scene is hot. In pop songs, language can appease the censors and still be sexy as long as the words are honest and true. Frankly, no one — not even authors who always use alliteration — talks, raps or sings about “lovely lady lumps.”

People wonder what Americans that stirs up so much foreign hatred of the Great Satan. Well, I read that “My Humps” is the most successful unofficially released single in history and maybe (one of) the most legally downloaded song(s) in history as well. Make the connection, friends. Drivel like this makes me hate American culture a little bit, too.

* * *

2006-01-26T02:02:00.000-06:00

Rumours
Kristin and I saw the Coachella film on Tuesday night, and I heard a rumor.

Before the lights dimmed in the theater, a person from the local alternative radio station hosting the screening announced a presale for the 2006 Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival. He also said a rumor has been spreading about The Smashing Pumpkins playing at the festival.

I bet it's a hoax or, at best, which actually would be considered worst, Billy and Jimmy and maybe Melissa performing with other non-Pumpkins but using the name anyway.

Sources for speculation: NME, Billy Corgan's MySpace blog and the Coachella message board with an image of a fake Photoshopped poster.

* * *

2006-01-07T13:35:00.000-06:00

2005: Pass the Gillyweed

Examining the list of 2005 theatrical releases I have seen*, I realize that I am incredibly stingy, and Hollywood bores me. Below is a list in descending order of preference of the only 2005 movies I saw. I am not a film critic.

11. Kicking & Screaming :: Kristin and I went to a drive-in a couple Fridays this summer for cheap, romantic double features. She wanted to see another sports movie (refer to No. 10), and this Will Ferrell turd was the second film. Although I kept falling asleep after Mike Ditka's initial appearance — and I only thought that was funny before the novelty wore off because I remember the '85 Bears — I insisted on staying because I hate leaving/turning off movies in the middle. Kicking & Screaming has made me reconsider my policy of watching entire films, and I deserve a red card for flagrantly and sadistically forcing Kristin to stay at the drive-in that night.

10. The Longest Yard :: The only sport I care about as little as soccer is (American) football. Like an insecure jock in the high school locker room, The Longest Yard couldn't decide whether to act like the macho bully or the towel-snapping class clown. I don't like what Hollywood thinks guys like, and the predictable sticks-and-stones writing is the equivalent of punting on second down. Too bad there is no award that is part Grammy, part Oscar and part Heisman; Nelly certainly deserves it.

9. Redeye :: I saw this thriller for work. Employees voted for one of four movies — Must Love Dogs, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, March of the Penguins or Redeye — to see as one of the company's 10 Days of Summer activities. I had already seen two of the options and didn't want to choose between Diane Lane and Rachel McAdams, let alone John Cusack and Cillian Murphy. Because McAdams' character creatively proves the pen is mightier, and because the film managed to make me jump once despite my resistance, Redeye is the No. 9 movie on this list.Or maybe the fact that my company paid for my ticket and a small drink gives it an unfair advantage.

8. Fever Pitch :: Baseball > football > soccer; therefore, Fever Pitch > The Longest Yard > Kicking & Screaming.

7. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory :: Is an unnecessary remake — you heard me — and another Tim Burton movie that does nothing for me. I would have liked this more if I could have skipped back to hear every word of each Oompa Loompa song.

6. Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith :: George Lucas spends too much time writing embarrassing romantic dialogue and, in my possibly incorrect opinion, not enough time showing Anakin's conversion to the Dark Side. I mean, all of a sudden, he was killing the Jedi tykes. I guess the chancellor/emperor put some sort of spell on him after he zapped Mace Windu. Sure, we know Anakin is having those bad dreams, and we know he wants to save Padmé, and we know he's going to become Darth Vader, but something more internal seemed to be missing among all the galactic destruction. Still, the Star Wars saga goes out in style.

5. The 40 Year Old Virgin :: Kinda long and forgettable, but the relentless language, supporting cast and sweet ending make this teen gross-out comedy with grown-ups worth the wait.

4. March of the Penguins :: You know I saw some crap when a movie that should have been a Discovery Channel special is fourth on my favorites list. To its credit, MotP shows us a location and climate nearly as extreme as Mars, and the ritual those freaking adorable penguins endure amazes, inspires and mystifies.

3. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire :: J.K. Rowling loves those Scooby-Doo endings, huh? When Harry grabbed the other Hogwarts student's body, escaped Voldemort and was greeted by cheers while he wept, damn, the movie actually moved me. I hope the next episodes will be as dark as that moment.

2. Batman Begins :: Is the best Batman because the villains aren't cartoons yet. Terrorists are the new bad guys, and because Batman Begins builds from modern American worries, it unsettles us with the notion that maybe only superheroes can save global superpowers.

1. Broken Flowers :: Let's hope this golden age of Bill Murray's career continues well into his golden years. More enjoyable than Lost in Translation, this movie held extra appeal for me as a person exiting bachelorhood. I am a sucker for the structure, the soundtrack, the mix CD-making foil, the pink and the satisfying ambiguity at the end. Even if I had seen more movies this year, Broken Flowers would be ranked No. 1, 2 or 3.

Wow, what a pathetic list! I should make sure host Jon Stewart isn't the only reason I want to watch the Academy Awards this year.

*I'll probably see Brokeback Mountain and want to see The Squid and the Whale, Match Point, Grizzly Man and some others, but I can't wait too long to begin Every Sunday: Drag's annual listmania.

* * *

2006-01-02T19:15:00.000-06:00

DJ Palindrome, That's Who
"Who is this doin' this synthetic type of alpha beta psychedelic funkin'?"

* * *

2005-12-24T13:46:00.000-06:00

Naughty
What's with this holiday and things randomly growing in women's wombs?

* * *

Nice
Nonsense in extensia.

* * *

2005-12-18T01:29:00.000-06:00

Gay Porn
Kristin and I bought a house today.

(We don't want to jinx it, so keep that nugget of info. on the down-low.)

Using the middle name + street name = porn name formula, my new porn name will be Douglas Rainbow.

Fabulous!

* * *

2005-12-14T20:34:00.000-06:00

Trivial Revival
In 1969, Creedence Clearwater Revival released three platinum albums!

* * *

2005-12-13T02:24:00.000-06:00

Out Da House
K. and I have been shopping for a single-family house. In the last 10 days or so, we have made offers to purchase three homes.

The first deal fell through because the seller did not disclose that "extensive mold" was an issue as recently as the summer.

The second deal fell through because the seller wants his full asking price, which is $10,000 more than he paid for the house six months ago and also more than the value of the home.

The third deal fell through today because an investor swooped in and offered a closing date at the end of 2005. Because the home is really cool and "very us," as Kristin accurately said, she cried when I told her we were going to lose it.

News flash: Real estate is a cutthroat business populated by people who cannot be trusted.

Death to real estate!

* * *

2005-11-07T18:59:00.000-06:00

Independents Die
[Because I may or may not review records for Punk Planet magazine, I received this letter, which appeared in a different form on the Web site and possibly elsewhere, with a request to share it with others. If, after donating to the Red Cross and what-not this year, you still have some money earmarked for charity or other warm-and-fuzzy causes, consider one of the four ways to help PP. The following has been copied, pasted and formatted but not edited. — Ed.]

Hey there,
Last Thursday we received some distressing news — the kind of news that made our very bones ache when we heard it; the kind of news that felt so significant we simply couldn't function after it sank in.

With a few days time and the ability to process it, we decided it's news worth sharing: It was a letter from the president of the Independent Press Association, the not-for-profit organization that owns the company that distributes the majority of Punk Planet's copies, BigTop Newsstand Services. The letter acknowledged the truth of a rumor that had been running through indie publishing circles for months now: the distributor was having cash flow problems. Payments to publishers for magazines already distributed had been and would continue to be effected for an unknown amount of time. In case you don't operate a magazine, the money coming in from newsstand sales is vital to publishers' bottom line. For a magazine like Punk Planet, where our ad rates remain very low to cater to independent businesses, those distributor payments are even more critical.

This news leaves us in a tight spot: BigTop is the last distributor in the country that specializes in distributing independent press magazines like Punk Planet. When we started 12 years ago, there were close to a half dozen such distributors; each one that has gone belly up dragged a few magazines with it. Because BigTop is owned by the IPA, an organization whose mission is to "amplify" the voice of the independent press, we don't expect that they will go out of business; but we also don't know when we will see the money we are owed.

What does this mean for the future of Punk Planet? The truth is we don't yet know.

But we do know there are things you can do that will help us in both the short term and the long term.

1. Please consider subscribing (or resubscribing) and purchasing some merchandise from our webstore today. If you have a product, idea, or event to advertise, purchase an ad.

An immediate influx of cash will allow us to pay off back debts — to contributors, printers, web hosts, etc — and better enable us to weather any coming storm caused by nonpayment from our distributor. Our annual end-of-year subscription sale is just starting now — get a whole year for only $18, or really help us out and buy a couple of them!

2. Please forward this information — or this whole email — on to your lists and friends, and specifically ask them to subscribe or buy merchandise from us.

In addition to a two-year subscription for only $30, you can pick up any of our amazing books — Joe Meno's HAIRSTYLES OF THE DAMNED [Recommended. Written with a wonderful point of view, it's a quick read about an adolescent boy and girl on the South Side of Chicago and making mix tapes and punk rock and so forth. I'm adding it to my Christmas list. If you want to give me something, buy it from the Web site. — Ed.], Bee Lavender's LESSONS IN TAXIDERMY, Mark Anderson's ALL THE POWER, or Jay Ryan's brand-new 100 POSTERS 134 SQUIRRELS now available for pre-order! We've also got Punk Planet T-shirts, underpants [If I were a girl, I'd buy a pair. — Ed.], and the awesomely cool PPAP: Punk Planet Artists' Prints wearable art series.

3. Consider donating to the Community Supported Journalism Fund. It's a small-fund donations program, made up almost exclusively of donations of less than $20, but it's already allowed us to bring you the amazing END OF RADIO cover story of PP69: four full articles on different aspects of radio creation and tons of teeny interviews with audio experts. It wouldn't have been possible without your support! [Indeed, it was a cool story. Those interested in podcasting, especially, might like to read it. By the way, if you want to borrow my copy of PP69 to read it, let me know. — Ed.]

4. Please continue to support independent print media. The payment issues effecting us are not singular — there are others in the same predicament that need your support as well.

Thanks so much,
Dan Sinker
[He's the "publisher, editor, janitor" of Punk Planet. — Ed.]

* * *

2005-10-26T23:59:00.000-05:00

'Got My Chrome to the Side of This White Sox Hat'
As Dr. Dre once said, "F#ck, motherf#cker."

* * *

2005: Year of the Joe
My friends Joe and Jeff are having pretty good years. Both moved out of their parents' houses. Both married lovely girls. Both are White Sox fans.

But two things make Joe's year sweeter than Jeff's:

1) Joe received a stack of Best Buy gift cards at a wedding shower. Without them, he could not have watched his favorite team compete in the World Series on the new 37-inch LCD TV hanging on the wall in his apartment.

2) Joe won a bet. A few years ago, he and our friend Jason, a Cubs fan, made the bet. The terms were as follows: The fan of the team that won the World Series first in their lifetimes would receive, well, a lot of money from the fan of the rival team. In October 2003, Jason was making room in his wallet. He efforts were in vain; we all know what happened to the Cubs two years ago. Now, Jason indeed will have a lot of empty space in his wallet, and Joe will receive quite a bit more cash to offset some of the cost of that TV.

Congratulations to the 2005 White Sox, a team that played baseball the way it should be played, and White Sox fans, who can stop rooting against the Cubs now.

* * *

2005-10-21T18:39:00.000-05:00

George Bush Doesn't Care About Magazine Covers
I think this Vox cover does a great job of telling two stories at once.

* * *

2005-10-08T11:20:00.000-05:00

Not the Best Way to Begin a Three-Day Weekend
So far, I have:

1. Learned that my family cannot visit because my sister has to study for midterms next week.
2. Pinched a nerve or pulled a muscle in my neck and shoulder while showering.
3. Watched highlights of the White Sox sweeping the Red Sox, the 2004 champs.
4. Killed three flies in my apartment but missed the fourth bug several times.
5. Listened to Joy Division.

It's only 11:30 a.m. on Saturday. D'oh.

* * *

2005-10-02T21:34:00.000-05:00

Bad Habit
I don't eat properly on weekend days or weeknights.

I postpone meals until I accomplish things.

Around 10 a.m., I had two pieces of toast and an apple for breakfast, a meal I rarely eat. Then, I ate lunch around 3 p.m.

Now, it is almost 10 p.m., and I haven't started dinner.

Part of my problem is I can't decide what to eat. Well, I was going to make chicken and have the leftovers tomorrow, but the preparation consumes much time and energy, and I was busy. When I scratched chicken, I did not have a backup plan. I guess I could make a frozen pizza, a root beer float, grilled cheese or quesadillas, but none of that really sounds worth the trouble. Maybe I'll have cereal.

I like food, but eh ...

* * *

2005-10-01T13:46:00.000-05:00

'Anyone Can Play Guitar'
Former FARCers, remember Will and Gareth, the kids A so obsessed with Radiohead that the karma police had to issue a restraining order until they disappeared completely from Columbia? Well, now, they are in a band called The Floating City.

I just listened to a promo copy of the band's current LP. You'll be happy to know they have matured musically and learned to control the obsession.

* * *

2005-09-30T23:59:00.000-05:00

Negative Integers
Happy negative-first anniversary, K!

* * *

2005-09-27T21:24:00.000-05:00

Good Question
Interact with the What Is Recoil? blog every day for the rest of your life.

* * *

'G-ddamn, That DJ Made My Day'
This mix is a masterpiece.

This mix is not.

* * *

2005-09-19T12:53:00.000-05:00

On Podcasts
Hooray for the return of the MagneticMediaFed podcast.

Note to RJP: Punk Planet [issue No.] 69 has a feature about "the end of radio." There's some cool content about podcasts and podcasters, if you're interested.

* * *

2005-08-31T21:03:00.000-05:00

'Mean Old Levee Taught Me to Weep and Moan'
The same guy at work who thought the famous rapper's name is Snoopy Dogg Dogg pointed out that the hurricane that obliterated New Orleans and Mississippi shared a name with an '80s pop group: Katrina and the Waves.

Get Oliver Stone on the phone 'cause here's a conspiracy theory: This band must have a) foreseen this disaster, b) cruelly named itself after the storm and its accompanying storm surge and c) ironically titled its biggest hit "Walking on Sunshine."

* * *

2005-08-28T20:00:00.000-05:00

Shopping List
~~• Twin Cinema by The New Pornographers~~
~~• candles, food, etc. for nice dinner on Friday~~
~~• Late Registration by Kanye West~~
• 2 bd, 2 ba house
• and the 2004 Honda Civic with an automatic transmission, power package, sunroof and only 8000 miles listed for $13,995 is awfully tempting

* * *

2005-08-22T23:07:00.000-05:00

'What's My Name?'
Today, a coworker referred to a well-known rapper as "Snoopy Dogg Dogg."

I live in Kansas.

* * *

2005-08-22T00:41:00.000-05:00

If I Had a Digital Camera, I Would Post the Proof
But you'll just have to wait until I finish the roll of film, develop it and scan the photos.

When Kristin and I spent last weekend at the Lake of the Ozarks, we spotted an ice cream shop called Godot's 2. Kristin said, "You probably have to wait a long time there."

I wanted to order a scoop of Pralines 'n' Existentialism.

* * *

Knowing What I'm Talking About, Feeling Good About Myself
Amazon posts lists of albums recommended by established artists. In his list, The New Pornographers' Carl (aka A.C.) Newman mentions two records — Vancouver Complication by various artists and Our Love Will Change the World by Outrageous Cherry — that I recommended in reviews published in Punk Planet.

* * *

'Been a Long Time, Been a Long Time ... '
Maybe that Led Zeppelin vs. The White Stripes post isn't going to happen. It's too boring in my mind. I don't think anyone would want to read it. Sorry.

I will, however, briefly mention a few key points to compare:
• "Anti-" songs (see "I Hate Led Zeppelin" by Screeching Weasel and Spoon's "Small Stakes," which features the line "I don't dig the [White] Stripes, but I'll go for Har Mar [Superstar]."),
• Stealing/honoring the blues
• And drummers.

* * *

2005-08-02T23:59:00.000-05:00

'Monday' on Tuesday
Once I passed the ramp leading from I-35 North to I-435 East this morning, traffic opened up, I accelerated to 65 mph and switched the radio station. Then, boom, "Monday" by Wilco blasted into my car.

So far, that wonderful surprise is the highlight of my August.

* * *

On 'Black Dog' and Jack White
My thoughts on the modern descendants of Led Zeppelin are TK.

* * *

2005-07-16T18:07:00.000-05:00

Marxist, Feminist, Terrorist
Last night, future wifey and I went to a drive-in for the second time this summer. For $7 per person, we saw the dynamite double feature of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Batman Begins.

I liked CCC as much as I like candy, which is not that much. I have not read Roald Dahl's book, so I don't know how much of the Gene Wilder (don't know the director, so I'll use the actor's name) and Tim Burton (but I'll use the director's name here) versions are faithful to the author's descriptions. Even without that information, I feel like Burton tried to recreate too many details from the original film. The chocolate river scene and the TV room scene look the same as their counterparts. Is that because Dahl described them so specifically?

I guess I shouldn't get into all that because I don't have the information to back up my statements.

Anyway, Johnny Depp was fine, but his Willy Wonka was no Captain Jack Sparrow. The Oompa Loompas were freaky, but the crazy songs were tough to understand. The best thing about the movie was the time invested in Willy Wonka's relationship with his dad because it set up the fantastic feel-good ending.

Batman Begins was better. Better also than Tim Burton's Batman movies and, of course, Joel Schumacher's contributions.

Although it was nice to learn about the background and how Bruce Wayne trained and found his gadgets, the first act or two was or were slow. Once the real action in Gotham started, however, the movie became pretty engaging and meaningful.

If I were in a college English class studying popular culture, I would do a terrorist reading of the film for a term paper. The parallels between the villains, their motivation and their means and Americans' modern terrorist enemies, terrorists' motivation and their suspected techniques were obvious. Using fear as the principal weapon to commit evil and also to fight it, though, gave the movie something to say. I like how Schumacher's colorful movies looked like comic books; however, the comments made by Batman Begins make it wonderfully real and relevant and meaningful.

(As a side note, what other interesting post-Sept. 11 movies are there? 25th Hour? Fahrenheit 9/11 (to a lesser extent)? Control Room (haven't seen it)? What else?)

* * *

Slogans of Shame
Because two prolific bloggers have posted about a fashion faux pas — wearing clothing with words and/or images directly related to the wearer's surroundings or activity in progress, I'm starting to think that it has become a frightening problem begging for a crackdown by the fashion police.

* * *

2005-07-14T20:02:00.000-05:00

'Mmmm, That's Good Satire!'
NPR brushes back MLB.

* * *

2005-07-12T17:39:00.000-05:00

'Buzzes Like a Fridge'
Driving home from work this afternoon, I heard "Lump" by The Presidents of the United States of America and "Closing Time" by Semisonic. If they aren't already, these songs are the ones that no doubt* will be on a compilation called Wicked Nineties! or Defining Is: Musical Stains on the Blue Dress Decade or www.popularrocksongsofthenineties.com.

What a shame. People will flash back to my wonder years via songs that put the hit in shite. Listen closely the next time you hear one of these songs, especially my personal least-favorite track, "Good" by Better than Ezra, and you'll want to go back in time and assassinate MTV VJ Kennedy.

"Good" sounds thin and distorted for all the wrong reasons. The track somehow is both overproduced and underproduced. I guess the people involved tried to get too much out of too little. The bass line aspires to be the one from "Smells Like Teen Spirit." It lacks the same spirit because the band rushed to cash the tax checks of Alternative Nation. Seriously, focus on the bass line and each individual instrument next time a radio station tortures its market by airing this song. Better than Ezra was not "good." Dudes couldn't play! And they can't in the 21st century, either.

Back to "Lump," President Drummer overuses that crappy tiny cymbal on his drum kit. The Dave Matthews Band drummer does the same, I think. And why hasn't Congress held hearings about the decisions of President Guitarist and President Bassist to remove strings from their instruments? They have six and four strings, respectively, for a reason. Robert Johnson didn't sell his soul to play power chords on the A, D and G strings. He wanted all six, six, six!

I enjoyed "Closing Time" when it was on the charts. But after a while, the four chords and the quiet-loud dynamics reveal themselves to be cheap Pixies and Nirvana knockoffs designed to muck up an adult-alternative song so the kids think it is all right. The piano part is nice but not as nice as "Chopsticks," and the singer writes a melody his range cannot accommodate. The drinking-at-the-bar motif and parallel structure of the lyrics are the only elements that survive.

Not every song can be "My Generation" or "Mrs. Robinson" or "Stayin' Alive" or "Don't You (Forget About Me)." The Nineties did produce "Basket Case" and "Block Rockin' Beats" and "Where It's At."

Here's the moral: I should have used my CD player. I switched to NPR, which helped quite a bit.

*No Doubt would be on these compilations, too. When Gwen and friends blossomed, I didn't think the group would become a solid pop band. One scratch on No Doubt's record is "Spiderwebs," which sounds dated. People don't screen phone calls with answering machines anymore. They use caller ID.

Hey, I wonder what Gavin thinks about Gwen's "Hollaback Girl." Everything zen? I don't think so.

* * *

Blogging
Fun. Feels good.

* * *

2005-07-01T01:35:00.000-05:00

'Bye June'
I am glad June has ended.

'Twas a crazy month. Got engaged (thanks to everyone for the lovely e-mails, comments, greeting cards, blog post[s] and advice), attended a bachelor party and a wedding (the latter two for my friend Joe). Finished a 944-page project at work.

Argued a bit, felt torn and ambivalent, made some tough decisions, as well.

Good times, bad times.

Let us hope July is better. It should start with a bang. Going to Chicago, going to a Cubs game, seeing friends and family at an engagement party thrown in honor of my fiancee and me. Then, back in Kansas, we apparently will have some sort of VIP access to a concert featuring Weezer and Cake.

* * *

Pass It On
Free! Live! Flaming Lips!

The first two songs tease the audience with renditions of music by The Who and Led Zeppelin. The band riffs on "Whole Lotta Love." Instead of singing "Waaay dowwwwn insiiide, woman, youuuuuuuu neeeed looooooooooooooove!" as Robert Plant did in 1969, Wayne Coyne shrieks, "Waaay dowwwwn insiiide, woman, youuuuuuuu neeeed SATAN!"

Hell yes.

* * *

See Also
• Nominee for coolest lead ever.
• Warning: Might make you laugh out loud at work.

* * *

2005-06-01T01:11:00.000-05:00

By Request
Elizabeth passed me the musical baton, which would be in the Top 10 if the blogosphere were the Billboard charts.

(Speaking of the Billboard charts, I just glanced at a couple. Do you ever do this? It's like walking through the Twilight Zone. Apparently, the Backstreet Boys have had a single on the Hot 100 singles chart for seven weeks. Is this 1999? Backstreet's back, I guess. And what is up with the poor grammar and silly spelling in song titles? Real song titles: "Don't Cha," "Don't Phunk with My Heart," "Errtime" and "I'm a Hustla." Sure, Radiohead made a song called "Pulk/Pull Revolving Doors," but most Radiohead listeners already passed their weekly third-grade spelling quizzes.)

Anyway, I'm supposed to answer some survey questions and ask more people to answer them on their own blogs and what-not. Uno, dos, tres, catorce!

Total volume of music files on my computer:
3.89 GB. I haven't listened to most in years. I seldom listen to any now. A few of the files are .wav files for mixes currently under construction.

Last CD I bought was ...
Gimme Fiction by Spoon. Bonus: The last free advance CDs I received for freelance stories I are: The Woods by Sleater-Kinney, Illinois by Sufjan Stevens, Humming by the Flowered Vine by Laura Cantrell and a few others you'll never hear of and that I have to review for Punk Planet.

Song playing right now:
None. It's 1:35 a.m., and I should be sleeping. I hear the pullchains on my ceiling fan rattling against the light fixture.

Five songs I listen to a lot these days:
Except when I tune to the radio, I don't really listen to individual songs. I usually try to let albums play. But these are five songs that just popped into my head:

• "Cosmic Dancer" by T.Rex
• "Living Around" by The Promise Ring
• "The Plan" by Built to Spill
• "Black History Month" by Death from Above 1979
• "You Know My Name (Look up the Number)" by The Beatles

And now I pass the baton to ...
Rachel, Æ, Rick, PLU (defunct) and Anne because I haven't corresponded with her in a long time. Grab the baton at your own risk.

* * *

2005-05-21T16:44:00.000-05:00

Springles
This infrequently updated blog proudly presents these brief reviews of spring singles:

• "I Turn My Camera On" by Spoon — Just a lovin' spoonful of Bee Gees falsetto and upbeat hi-hat helps you get down to this one. This song makes me a) want to strut down the street and b) think of PLU's hilarious hip shake.

• "Entertain" by Sleater-Kinney — Carrie Brownstein draws on sentiment similar to that in "Combat Rock" on One Beat to mock the empty entertainment among us. Definitely a good choice for a single from the excellent, somewhat surprising new album, The Woods. The content stands out from the album, but the music hints at what the entire record is like. Turn up the volume, and prepare to be entertained!

• "Blue Orchid" by The White Stripes — "Seven Nation Army" had a great riff and is a fine side one, track one; however, "Blue Orchid" rocks harder and spits more spite to make it a superior single. At the end of their career, the Whites will be able to say, "'Blue Orchid' really blew away 'Seven Nation Army!'" Renee probably regrets marrying bald Parrothead Kenny Chesney. Then again, she probably thinks his tractor is sexy.

• "Beverly Hills" by Weezer — I already wrote about this novelty song, which "isn't all that great."

• "Speed of Sound" by Coldplay — Like clockwork, the soon-to-be Biggest Band in the World delivers a summer anthem that sounds like a slower "Clocks." Zzzzzzzzzz. Ooh, that's cold! Homie don't play that! How you like dem apples?

• "Lame Puns" by Every Sunday: Drag — Sorry.

• "I Quit My Old Job 'Cause I Got a New One" by Kristin — Best news I have heard all spring! If that were an Oasis song, it would be "I Quit Me Old Job 'Cos I Got a New One."

Speaking of Oasis, that band has a new single out, and it sucks because it doesn't really sound like The Beatles.

* * *

What's Your Favorite Pop Song with the Word Skewers in It?
"Laid" by James.

* * *

You're Under Arrest
... For not visiting ChicagoCrime.org.

* * *

2005-05-10T02:14:00.000-05:00

Roology
On his first night at Kristin’s house, Roo the mouse almost died.

A bigger, meaner mouse Kristin had adopted bit and scratched Roo. Weeks later, he still had the hairless scars on his back. A notch in his translucent ear never healed.

Since that first night, Roo tried to be big and powerful and to accomplish amazing feats.

He repeatedly lunged up the side of his wheel in a Sisyphean effort to spin his wheel so hard that it would flip him upside down and 360 degrees total.

Roo refused to let a human clutter his domain. When I hung a mouse-sized poster of Modest Mouse, his favorite band, on the bars of his cage, I thought I had placed it out of his reach. After I tightened the twist ties, I watched for his reaction. Unhappy about the alien décor, he decided to do some emergency redecorating. Roo climbed up the green tornado slide that led to his wheel, set his rear feet on the rim of the slide and reached with his feet and nose. After a few trials and accompanying errors, he learned what he needed to do. He stepped aside a bit, balanced, stretched, touched the bars first and then grabbed them with his little pink toes. He extended far enough to gnaw through the paper of the twist tie and proceeded to attack the metal wire on the inside.

Realizing this mouse had a marathoner’s determination, I took down the poster. Otherwise, he would have chewed through the metal. He had succeeded in a battle of wills against a real live human.

Already possessing determination and concentration, Roo advanced to the next stage in his quest to be big and accomplish impressive feats. He began to condition and strengthen himself by climbing up the bars of his cage. He did pull-ups, climbed sideways and suspended himself upside down. He showed off and hammed it up and bit the bars of his cage to display a little ferocity. He was an animal. Figuratively.

Upon mastering these tricks, Roo combined two stunts. He balanced on the edge of the slide and tried to reach the front wall of his cage a few inches away. Countless times, Kristin and I watched him lean and quickly backpedal to avoid falling from the slide. Success eluded Roo. The trick seemed impossible.

See a trend? Of course, one day, he did it. He spanned the gap, held onto the bars and swung over to the wall of the cage. He could do big things in his little world.

I choose to think that he died after trying that trick again and again this weekend. Maybe he missed the bars once and bopped his head. Such a thought might be morbid; however, I suspect he left that way because Roo lived, worked and played like a teeny little superguy. He became a big, strong animal in a pocket pet’s body. Inside his cage, life was exciting. He made life outside of it extraordinary as well.

His most astonishing feat was the positive effect he had on Kristin. I won’t try to explain the love and adoration she felt for the mouse. I will say that she needed him as much as he depended on her for food, water and shelter. Any mouse or other critter that earns such a close relationship from its caretaker must be particularly special.

As Roo floats on toward the big wheel in the sky, the little mouse leaves a big void in our lives. But he also leaves many memories that swell our heads and joy that bursts from our hearts.

2005-05-05T00:42:00.000-05:00

F tha Police
On Tuesday afternoon, I pulled into my apartment complex and noticed Olathe Police squad cars throughout the property. The police presence was not an unusual sight. I've seen several cop cars parked around certain buildings a handful of times in the past 14 months.

When I turned toward my building, however, I saw a row of traffic cones and a traffic unit car blocking the drive. I noticed nosy residents on balconies and porches, a few more squad cars, an armored vehicle and a couple SWAT officers surrounding my building. I parked, checked my mail and waited for an officer to finish a conversation over two-way radio. He told me if I wanted to stand and watch, I would have to move back. I thought, Hell, no; I am not going to watch. I said, "That's my building. I assume I can't go to my apartment. What is going on?"

He said they were gettin' ready to serve a search warrant in one of those apartments right quick. They were looking for a person of interest who they believed to be hiding in one of the apartments.

So what was I supposed to do? He said I could hang out at the clubhouse.

I decided to stop there for more information and possibly to ask about the penalties of breaking my lease.

The apartment manager appeared to be completely spooked by the whole thing. She said the police had camped out since about noon or 1 p.m. It was 5:30 at this point. She emphasized that the person sought by the cops was not a resident but rather a person staying with a resident. She also said the cops weren't letting anyone — not even a woman who needed her medication — near the building. I was welcome to hang out in the clubhouse.

I drove to Kristin's. Thank goodness I have a girlfriend for those days when law enforcement prohibits me from entering my home, you know?

We watched a few minutes of evening news. The cops were looking for a suspect in some stabbings elsewhere in Kansas.

Fortunately, I was wearing some of my more comfortable work clothes, I had just purchased Magnet with Sleater-Kinney on the cover and interviewed by Eddie Vedder, and Kristin and I had plenty to talk about thanks to her eventful Tuesday.

A couple hours later, we returned to my apartment complex. The fuzz remained. I was pretty frustrated. Who cares about a stabbing suspect? I had chicken thawing in the fridge. I had planned to make fajitas for Kristin and myself! Because we are going to see our moms this weekend and because of other evening business, it was the only day we could eat together, and I can't make fajitas for only one person. My peppers ($1.50 for one red pepper is a lot of money) and onion were going to go to waste!

The same cop with whom I spoke before said they had to open two more rooms and that everything would be wrapped up soon. My accomplice and I ate some sub sandwiches and killed some more time. I called Olathe PD around 9:20, received the all-clear sign and drove home. All seemed well.

So today at work, I wondered how the incident was resolved. The police did not find the suspect. It took them about eight hours to realize no one was hiding in the apartment.

So since I have moved here, the following have occurred at my apartment complex:
• Someone violently backed a car into another car, which rolled over the curb and into the open grass area outside my apartment.
• A friend of a resident was shot by a nonresident outside the building next to mine.
• Police held a one-sided standoff and searched an apartment on the other side of my building for a stabbing suspect who the police did not find.

All these things could happen anywhere, but it still is tempting to link this low-income housing with an increased risk of getting into trouble. I ask myself now, Is the cheap rent worth living among people who cause problems?

2005-05-03T20:00:00.000-05:00

Le Show du Jour
I don't know French.

Here's what I really want to tell you, loyal readers: Comedy Central announced Stephen Colbert is getting a spinoff of The Daily Show. It's going to be a parody of those talking-heads cable talk shows. Anything to add New York Times?

"It will be called 'The Colbert Report' — though, if Mr. Colbert has his way, the announcer will pronounce it with a faux-French accent: The co-BEAR ra-PORE."

Already, it's hilarious.

* * *

Wacolathe
SWAT officers were in my neighborhood today!

* * *

2005-04-23T00:06:00.000-05:00

All About Alliteration
Æ and I saw and heard The Fiery Furnaces, the rock 'n' roll band that made Blueberry Boat, perform in lovely lung-friendly Lawrence on Wednesday. To check the mics, Matthew Friedberger repeated, "Porcupine posed a prickly problem."

I wonder whether that sentence is an original or a standard mic-check line. Either way, it's hilarious. And true. So true!

* * *

Crystal Ballin'
The kids are going to like the headline for the next item of this post.

* * *

Odometer, Where Art Thou?
After work on Wednesday, I filled 'er up, reset the trip odometer and noticed my car's cumulative (I guess I'll use that word) odometer started with the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. Planning to drive to the aformentioned concert in Lawrence, I realized my car would hit 123,456.7 miles between my apartment and The Bottleneck.

I forgot to watch later that evening, though, so I missed the sequential mileage figure. Sure, 123,456.7 miles is only as rare as 123,000 miles or 234,567.8 miles or 100 miles, but I thought it would look cool. Oh well.

Ain't life mundane?

* * *

2005-04-20T20:05:00.000-05:00

Crucify the Kid
In an e-mail today, Kristin wrote, "Sweet baby Jesus on the cross ... "

Baby Jesus wasn't on a cross. Adult Jesus died on a cross for our sins. Baby Jesus was in a manger at an inn in Bethlehem!

Someone who resides in Kansas should know the difference.

* * *

2005-04-13T08:29:00.000-05:00

Lawrence of Converging Media
NPR aired a national story this morning about the company for which Adrian works. His boss calls the Web workers "nerds."

* * *

2005-04-12T11:59:00.000-05:00

'He Had a Stroke at the Age of 24'
I turned two dozen today.

I celebrated by laying out art in the marine manual I'm working on ("It could have been a brilliant career," indeed!) and listening to absurdly dreary Scott Walker, Nick Drake, Modest Mouse and The Fiery Furnaces. I also read e-mails from friends and family wishing me well. Then, I picked up a freshly framed poster of the Chicago skyline that my brother gave me for Christmas.

Kristin said she made reservations for dinner and told me to pick her up at 7:30. Pulling into her lot, I recognized some cars and realized my suspicions were valid. A surprise awaited me.

Technically, the surprise of the party was blown, but I was surprised by the people who were hiding in Kristin's kitchen. Chrissy was there. Æ and his newish girlfriend were there. Elizabeth was there. The Muellers were there.

I didn't know how to react, so I decided to be quietly, genuinely happy.

We ate pizza, and the partygoers all ripped songs for a mix for me.

Thanks, K. It was a good day.

* * *

2005-04-11T23:07:00.000-05:00

On Hip-Hop, or Wouldn't It Be Dope?
• I heard The RZA on NPR this morning. Wouldn't it be dope if NPR, like The RZA (pronounced RIZZ-uh), started to pronounce its name The NIP-er?

• Hey kids, are you starting a hip-hop duo with a DJ and an MC but can't think of any good stage names because all the Ice names have been used? Well, here are two free ideas available for a limited time: Wouldn't it be dope if you call the DJ/producer DJ Tanner? And why not call the homie on the mic MC Escher?

* * *

2005-04-11T20:57:00.000-05:00

Can I Get a Witness?
When I was driving home this evening, I witnessed a Jehovah's Witness popping a rear wheelie on his bicycle. It was glorious!

* * *

Once in Douglas County, Voters Said, "Nein!"
My prediction of 87 percent was incorrect. For all you out-of-state readers, 60.13 percent of voters approved of the Kansas state constitutional amendment that will grant the rights and privileges of married couples to only heterosexual couples who legally marry.

Douglas County, home of Lawrence, was the only county in the state that voted no.

* * *

Band Names that Begin with W
Thanks to my correspondence with him, I have Weezer on my mind. I revisited Pinkerton today and remembered that Kristin and I inexplicably performed "Pink Triangle" at Open Mic Night at FARC during Welcome Week in 2001, I think. Perhaps it was 2000. Good song but weird choice.

Wilco's "I'm a Wheel" inspired the headline of the second item of this blog entry. Have you owners of A Ghost Is Born downloaded the bonus EP yet? Neither have I.

One of these days, I am going to gush about the album Pink Flag by Wire. Since I bought it while on a trip to Reckless Records with Ray, it has shot into my collection of favorite albums. It's timeless, and it rocks.

* * *

2005-04-05T02:20:00.000-05:00

87 Percent
I estimate 87 percent of voters will vote yes to change the Kansas constitution to define marriage as being between one man and one woman and, therefore, to prevent people in other unions from enjoying the rights and benefits that good ol' man an' wife receive. I am going to cast a NO vote.

* * *

2005-04-04T00:46:00.000-05:00

Knock-Knockers
Today, I saw a woman wearing a T-shirt that read, "Not Everything Is Flat in Kansas." I think the slogan referred to the woman's chest under the garment.

I did not see the entire T-shirt, so for all I know, the shirt could have advertised a soft drink or tire shop.

* * *

2005-04-03T00:37:00.000-06:00

Ungrateful
If Illinois wins on Monday, I finish in third place in my company's free brackets pool, and I win a $20 Applebee's gift card. If North Carolina wins, I win nothing.

I wish I would finish fourth so I could win the $10 Borders gift card instead. I don't care much for Applebee's.

As the saying goes, people who beg cannot choose what they will receive.

* * *

Awkward
Tonight, I was small-talking with a woman. I hate small-talk. I am not a good listener. I do not converse well.

She asked where I am from. I told her. She said she is from Peoria. We riffed on that for a while. Then, I said, "So you're from Kansas City?" I immediately caught myself and explained that I meant to ask how long she has been in Kansas City. That's true. I did intend to ask that. My face felt red anyway.

* * *

Ambitious
I have been reading three books. I want to finish one* by tomorrow. I want to finish another by Friday. And I need to finish the third by April 15 or so. I shall fail.

* * *

Ubiquitous
*The book I want to complete tomorrow is Faithful by Stewart O'Nan and Stephen King. In this book about the 2004 Red Sox season and Red Sox fans, I found this sentence: "I back off after he [minor leaguer Brian Daubach] signs my ball, and see a Navigator with Illinois plates rolling up. I know Dauber's the pride of Belleville, Illinois (along with Wilco's Jeff Tweedy), so I call, 'Your ride's here.'"

I bet Jeff Tweedy doesn't care about baseball. We all know he doesn't believe in touchdowns.

And I bet Red Sox fans don't care about Wilco.

If Tweedy does care about baseball, wouldn't he be a Cardinals fan who would have cheered against the Red Sox during the World Series?

* * *

Disappointed
Did you catch the comma splice in the above quote? Who are these editors?

* * *

Soul-Searching
Last week, I wondered what a Weezer hoodie-clad chap thinks about Weezer 2.0, if you will. Here's a bit of what he said: "But as far as new Weezer music goes: The Green Album got the Fonz on the bike and Maladroit jumped the shark. Both albums can rock in their own little way, but neither have the soul that the first two had. It's the difference between seeing an original Rembrandt and a poster of one. Or going to a live show and listening to the same songs on a CD. There's texture missing, depth that could be there, that you keep hoping for but just never realize." (My boldface emphasis.)

Thanks for writing, BAP/FF. I owe you a reply.

* * *

2005-03-23T22:16:00.000-06:00

M.I.A.
I am sorry I haven't blogged in a long time. You might not mind, but I do.

Maybe the headline above led you to believe this post would be about the MC currently shaking the world and sweeping over it like a tsunami. Well, I have not yet made the 1.5-mile voyage to use my Best Buy gift card to purchase her newly released album. Perhaps this weekend I'll buy it.

After all, I have purchased CDs the previous two weekends. Why not go for three in a row?

Before beginning my grocery shopping on Sunday, I set Bright Eyes' poorly or poetically punctuated I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning in my squeaky cart. Armed with my new Target credit card and trying to improve my credit, I couldn't resist a $6.98 sale. Good thing. The record is worth every penny. It's my first Bright Eyes CD and second Saddle Creek CD. Before listening to this album, I had heard individual Bright Eyes songs on mix tapes Paul has given to me. Before Sunday, I had never even listened to an entire Bright Eyes album. I have always thought I would eventually buy Lifted, but I haven't seen it available as a used item, I guess.

* * *

Bargain Binge
Speaking of used items, two weekends ago, Kristin and I went to San Francisco. On Sunday, we found Amoeba Music. After checking our bags and talking for a bit, we focused on rocking and rummaging through the used clearance racks with a three-for-four deal in effect.

I found:
• Weird Tales by Golden Smog,
• The Difference Between You and Me Is that I'm Not on Fire by McLusky,
• Come on Feel the Lemonheads by The Lemonheads
• and The M's by The M's.

Then, because we still had to go to Golden Gate Park, I rushed through a fraction of the rest of the store. I had left my wishlist in my checked bag, so I freestyled. I grabbed the bumper of the bandwagon when I picked up a new copy of Modern Sounds in Country and Western Music by Ray Charles. I also found a used copy of I Am the Cosmos by Chris Bell.

If Amoeba Music had a sale on albums with pretentious titles, I would have been the savviest shopper on Earth.

* * *

File Under Other
Other San Francisco treats included:
• Kristin frequently wondering aloud whether the Tanners lived nearby. She actually would refer to a fictional TV family by its name: "The Tanners."*

• SFMOMA's Belles Lettres typography exhibition, which engrossed me so much that I seemed like Gutenberg painstakingly setting each piece of type on his printing press compared to Kristin and other patrons who zipped through the room like 200-wpm secretaries. The posters and programs and deck of playing cards loosely inspired the cover I made to accompany this mix tape for Paul (cover not included, unfortunately). I guess some people just like looking at words and letters and symbols. You never know. One minute, two people meet and start talking about fonts. The next minute, they choose a calligrapher to address their wedding invitations.**

• SFMOMA's collection of posters designed by a Polish design house to advertise Hollywood movies. The Polish posters are the antithesis of the gaudy, static and obvious posters we see here. Instead of using photos of movie stars, the artists create pieces that communicate themes and emotion and hint at the movies' climaxes. Plus, a few in that one tiny room seem to play with and subvert imagery of Cold War propaganda. It's crazy to see such a poster for the movie Nashville.

• Seeing some of Jeremy Blake's work at SFMOMA.***

*This post is the second in the past month to allude to ABC's TGIF block of programming. Remember the other one?
**Not Kristin and I.
***Apparently, I like art.

* * *

South to Southern California
Has anyone else heard "Beverly Hills," the new Weezer single? It's fun. But it's basically a novelty song with a Peter Frampton solo and goofy, nonuniversal lyrics.

Although I think the band's blue debut is one of the all-time greatest sing-along-in-the-car albums, I have never been a huge Weezer nut, so I wonder what people who wear Weezer hoodies in digital photos posted on blogs would think. It seems to me that there are two versions of Weezer and that the better one, the one that released the blue album and Pinkerton, has been banished by a version that goes through the motions, role-plays, writes songs like they are genre exercises and doesn't have anything to say. Actually, I suspect something worse: It is too critically gun-shy or what-have-you to say what it really wants to say.

* * *

Speaking of Weezer
My girlfriend has been dealing with some stress lately. Please allow me to address the causes of her stress by quoting the first lines of "Buddy Holly" by Weezer: "What's with these homies dissin' my girl? / Why do they gotta front?"

Are those not some of the best first lines in pop music?

* * *

2005-03-14T23:19:00.000-06:00

Bay City Toilets
In San Francisco, I saw a urinal signed R. Mutt 1917, fixed a toilet at a café that serves sinus-scalding dijon mustard and admired the gross and broken toilets in the cells at Alcatraz.

But unlike the first time I visited San Francisco, I didn't need to pay to use any toilets.

* * *

2005-03-10T00:01:00.000-06:00

'Don't Be Ridiculous!'
I temporarily changed my fantasy baseball team name from the classic Olathe Editors to BALCO Bartokomous. (BALCO is short for Bay Area Laboratory Cooperative, which is accused of producing performance-enhancing substances and providing them to athletes.) My brain unveiled the idea while I edited a manuscript at work. I think it's funnier than the TGIF block of programming on ABC ever was, but no one else is doing the dance of joy. I think everyone in the league hates it.

* * *

2005-03-05T08:33:00.000-06:00

Don't Meet Me in St. Louis
Kristin and I tried to purchase tickets for the nationally televised Cubs-Cardinals game in St. Louis on July 23. When we found best-available seats in the upper deck in straightaway centerfield (as far from home plate as you can get), the computer said we had seven minutes to buy the tickets. Two minutes later, it had released the tickets to someone else.

Good. I didn't want to look at Jim Edmonds' tush anyway. I'll watch the game on Fox — and listen to Tim McCarver and Joe Buck kiss Edmonds' ass.

Maybe Carlos Zambrano will bean Edmonds again.*

*I don't want him to do that. It's the ticket frustration talking.

* * *

Hy There, Mr. Hybrid
Kristin and I also went to the Kansas City Auto Show last night. She wasn't sure why I wanted to go, but I think she had fun.

At the show, I realized I don't just want a hybrid. I really really really want a hybrid.

I compared the stickers of the four-door automatic Honda Accord Hybrid, Honda Civic Hybrid, Toyota Prius and the gas counterparts when applicable.

The Accord Hybrid doesn't seem to be worth it yet. But the Civic Hybrid and Prius break down like so:

Civic Hybrid
• Estimated mileage: 48 city mpg; 47 highway mpg
• Estimated fuel cost per year: $562
• Manufacturer's suggested retail price before options: $20,900

Prius
• Estimated mileage: 60 city mpg; 51 highway mpg
• Estimated fuel cost per year: $491
• M.S.R.P. before options: $20,875

Civic (standard system for comparison/control)
• Estimated mileage: 29 city mpg; 38 highway mpg
• Estimated fuel cost per year: $818
• M.S.R.P. before options: $14,675

After the auto show and a trip to Barnes & Noble, I filled the gas tank in my 1997 Pontiac Grand Prix. Unleaded gasoline at a BP station just across State Line Road in Missouri, which has lower taxes than Kansas, was $2.079/gal. On the two previous tanks of fuel, my car has achieved 19.45 mpg and 21.25 mpg.

Oh, and I heard that oil prices are supposed to jump from about $50/bbl. now to about $80/bbl this summer.

I know the hybrids are pricy, and I don't have loads of money to spend on a new car, but I think I could afford reasonable monthly payments. I am going to begin to strengthen my credit, and maybe I'll put my name on a waiting list for a Prius this spring.

* * *

2005-03-01T05:06:00.000-06:00

Bad Omen
I just dreamt that Chicago Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood died. It is 4:55 a.m.

In my dream (or should I say nightmare?), I saw the news on the Chicago Tribune Web site and found out that the pitcher's hometown newspaper in Texas had written a 45-inch tribute. I saw photos of teary teammates in the locker room at spring training and scenes from a somber memorial ceremony on Opening Day at Wrigley Field.

Because of the detail in my macabre mind, I lay in bed and didn't realize it was a dream until minutes after waking and feeling pretty upset when I noticed the perspiration on my body under the covers and the stuffed animal clutched against my chest.

Who else but Cubs fans experience so much psychic pain that they actually dream about heartbreaking tragedies a thousand times worse than the final-week collapse of 2004, the eighth inning of Game 6 of the 2003 NLCS, the letdown of 1984, the failure at the hands of the 1969 Mets?

To be safe and to seem even more mentally ill, I shall not pick Kerry Wood during the eagerly awaited John Ritter Memorial League fantasy baseball draft on Sunday. DL means disabled list, not dead list.

* * *

2005-02-28T22:40:00.000-06:00

Like a Blimp
Tuesday is my one-year anniversary at work. Sunday was my one-year anniversary of living in Kansas.

* * *

2005-02-26T22:25:00.000-06:00

If I Watch It, I Will Cry
This afternoon, I watched most of Field of Dreams on Turner Classic Movies. I know it sounds as corny as the outfield, but I cried at the end.

* * *

If You Subscribe to a Listserv, They Will Annoy You
Have any other MU graduates wanted to unsubscribe from a certain e-mail networking group today?

The public bickering makes me want a column to tip over and crush me.

* * *

2005-02-24T12:35:00.000-06:00

Punks Are from Punk Planet
Some reviews I wrote appear in the new issue of Punk Planet (No. PP66 with Slint on the cover).

* * *

2005-02-21T02:28:00.000-06:00

Low Blows
My mom gave me Low by David Bowie for Valentine's Day. All Music Guide gives it five out of five stars. Didn't Pitchfork call it the No. 1 album of the 1970s?

Well, it's just OK. I don't care much for it. You might say Low is as overrated as the KU men's basketball team.

* * *

2005-02-14T00:53:00.000-06:00

Maybe Vol. 8 Will Have 'Bukowski'
Modest Mouse's "Float On," which is Every Sunday: Drag's favorite single of 2004, appears in re-recorded form on Kidz Bop 7.

Sample 30 or so seconds via the RealOne or Windows Media player.

* * *

2005-02-12T12:49:00.000-06:00

Wanted Ads
Radio and TV spots advertising the $25 million rewards for the capture of Osama bin Laden and his No. 2 are airing in Pakistan.

* * *

2005-02-11T19:13:00.000-06:00

It's All Happening
On June 17.

The Cubs begin a series against the Yankees in The Bronx. That's a good reason to go to New York with my brother and see my pals who live there.

The second annual three-day Wakarusa Music & Camping Festival kicks off in Lawrence, too. The promoters just announced that Wilco will perform that weekend. Lawrence.com says 80+ (mostly jammy) bands are "opening" for Wilco. Funny. Funnier: Son Volt is one of those bands! Lawrence.com users already have suggested that Jay Farrar and Jeff Tweedy might get into a fistfight.

Of course, I don't have a Freudian affection for Mother Earth. Thank god my parents didn't drag my siblings and me on hot, stinky, sticky, sweaty, buggy camping trips like the ones their families took. (It's amazing they were able to fall in love in such an environment.) Chrome or not, hell would have to freeze before I camped at one of these festivals with the noodling jam-band crop.

But driving to and from Clinton State Park at my will wouldn't be out of the question. Especially because I last saw Wilco at Summerfest on July 3, 2003. My friends and I were stuck at the rear/side the pavilion area. And jerks with bench space were standing on the benches.

The early-bird price for Wakarusa is $79 for three days. For a person who loathes jam-band music and won't camp, the rate of bang per buck — even with nonjammers Wilco, Son Volt, Calexico and Neko Case already confirmed — is already low. And assuming that Adrian probably won't be there with his Foxtail —

Wilco will just have to play the Beaumont Club.

All this is pointless. My friends Joe and Berklee are marrying on June 17. The tuxedo people already took my measurements.

If only I could be in three places at once.

* * *

Did You Hear?
"I heard there was a secret chord that David played, and it pleased the Lord."

Gotta get me some of that.

* * *

2005-02-10T11:59:00.000-06:00

I Propose a Toast
To my sister who is one year closer to legal drinking age as of February 10. She is not anxious to consume alcohol, but the titular toast idea ties in like this:

Twenty years ago — give or take a day or two, and forgive me if I'm screwing up the details, for I was not quite four years old — my aunts Cathy and Carla came to my family's condo to babysit my baby brother and me while my parents were at the hospital for my sister's screaming arrival into this world. I guess my Aunt Car was making toast for breakfast, and being the man of the house at that moment, I asked her whether she actually knew how to make toast. I reminded her that the butter goes on after removal of the toast from the toaster.

Every year at my sister's birthday, my aunt remembers that anecdote. She e-mailed me today to remind me. Forcing a metaphor, I replied, "It's funny how certain moments heat the branding irons of consciousness until they are red-hot and permanently mark our memories."

* * *

2005-02-08T01:44:00.000-06:00

Subway to Hell
Reading this post and the accompanying comment about messed-up sandwich orders reminded me of a story I heard about my dad. I'll try to tell it as accurately as I can.

One day in the past few years or so, my dad went to Subway to buy some lunch. He presented a coupon or card with a special offer or maybe one of those Sub Club stamp cards, but the sandwich artist said that particular Subway (they should call each franchise a stop or station) wasn't participating in the promotion or had ceased honoring the coupon or whatever. The news and the weak excuse frustrated my father, who in business must care about the bottom line and believes in up-front, honorable relationships with customers. But the policy really pissed off my father the consumer, who resents being jerked around and has only a sliver of patience.

He ordered a sandwich anyway.

When sandwich artists finish making a sandwich for my dad, they have to lean onto the sandwich to close and wrap it because he asks for most of the available toppings. As usual, he requested lots of fixin's — lettuce, pickles, olives, peppers, tomatoes, the works, you might say. At the end of ingredient row, the sandwich artist looked up from the masterpiece sandwich and asked my dad whether he wanted anything else.

The answer had festered on my dad's tongue since the denial of his special deal. "Yeah," he said. "You can shove that sandwich up your ass."

Walking out of the store, my dad, like Jared dropping his pounds, had released an enormous cloud of anger.

Man, that story still terrifies me. Even when I tell it. It's funny, though. Wacky, even.

The moral for all you sandwich artists out there: Don't mess with our sandwiches. Get 'em right, jerks.

* * *

2005-02-06T21:49:00.000-06:00

Necessary Ruffness
Kristin and I just watched The Godfather. We turned on the TV, started to flip channels and saw what must be the No. 2-rated program on Super Bowl Sunday: the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.

The Puppy Bowl is footage of puppies romping on a puppy-sized football field with little goal posts and spectator scenery with flashbulbs. Special puppy-cam and (water) bowl-cam camera angles provide different perspectives. Best of all, a referee calls a personal foul when a puppy fumbles some feces on the field of play.

That's what I call Super Counterprogramming.

Kristin says, "Yay puppies!"

If we hadn't watched the DVD, she probably would have insisted on watching the entire Puppy Bowl.

* * *

2005-01-31T18:14:00.000-06:00

2004: The Year I Did Not Listen to Music III

Screw My G on up to B-Flat: Favorite Albums from 2004
I can’t even come up with 10 albums that deserve to be called favorites. So eight has to be enough. I told you I did not listen to music in 2004.

8. The Slow Wonder by A.C. Newman :: Listening to the songs on The Slow Wonder is like eating a Dagwood sandwich in slow motion. You can smell every aroma, taste every ingredient and feel every texture while enjoying the whole hoagie. By carefully layering every Chuck Berry riff, eerily Neko Case-like harmony vocal and rockin’ cello on this album, Newman makes each moment of music sound vital and fresh. As a result, the great songs on this pensive power-pop record are as great as and sound more diverse than the best songs released by Carl Newman’s other band The New Pornographers.

7. A Ghost Is Born by Wilco :: Wilco’s worst record since A.M. With songs of a piece, it documents the band harnessing its anti-Jay Bennett by expanding its sound and instrumental facility while stripping down. Cheesy album-title allusion alert: Like a Ghost, the record sounds live but also — the intent of “Less Than You Think” be damned — sometimes lifeless (boo!).

6. The College Dropout by Kanye West :: I went to college, and all I got was a lousy B.J. (That’s bachelor’s in journalism for all you snickering SpongeBobs and tittering Tinky Winkies out there.) Kanye West dropped out, produced hip-hop megahits for ghetto superstars and released a rap record that made him bigger than Jesus! Like the gospels, West’s record is soulful; unlike Mark, it could use an editor. Yet for the most part, West’s lyrics, beats and samples are as in-synch as those on The Chronic, 3 Feet High and Rising and Under Construction. And when he raps, all the cameos around him seem unnecessary*.
*Especially Jay-Z’s verses on “Never Let Me Down.” His 99 problems obviously distracted him so he couldn’t pay attention to the song, the album or West. Plus, he sounds like he's spitting into an empty Cristal bottle.

5. Funeral by The Arcade Fire :: Like a eulogy given by a regular family member who happens not to be a great orator, Funeral is full of passive voice, clichés and everyday revelations and aphorisms. But the universal subject matter and passion of the performances bring down the funeral home. Violins wail, tea kettles scream, lightning bolts crack and glow, hearts get torn up, Win Butler’s voice warbles and hoo!s. The songs grieve, build into a fury of battling emotions, and burst into small celebrations. Powerful enough to make Dick, Barry and Rob at Championship Vinyl add this record to their top-five-records-about-death lists.

4. Franz Ferdinand by Franz Ferdinand :: In 2003, Echoes enraptured everyone. It was supposed to be a dance-rock masterpiece. But which would your girlfriend rather listen to? The Rapture’s noisy Echoes or the funky and punky Franz Ferdinand? The latter ’cause it actually promotes both dancing and rocking. This debut is smug, sexual, sexy, self-conscious but not pretentious and packed with more hooks than a tackle box. Perfect to listen to during a pre-date shower, en route to pick up a girl, over drinks and then on the dancefloor.

3. From a Basement on the Hill by Elliott Smith :: The late Elliott Smith always delivered ugliness and pain in packages wrapped in the brilliant beauty of his music. On this posthumous release (originally intended to be his “White Album,” according to Spin — can you imagine?), the ugly gets uglier. His words are the most horrific since his smack-sick self-titled album, and he deliberately distorts and mars several tunes to match the lyrics. The grotesque result resembles blueprints to raze a condemned landmark with grosses and grosses of fireworks. And to paraphrase a Seinfeld episode, it’s breathtaking.

2. Good News for People Who Love Bad News by Modest Mouse :: One of the decade’s best singles, “Float On,” is the thesis statement. From introduction to conclusion, the rest of the album plainly confronts mortality and God. Modest Mouse gets an A for evolving, crossing over without dumbing down, honoring the misfit everyman and all along making uplifting music. All we get is good news.

1. Blueberry Boat by The Fiery Furnaces :: Fun with song fragments, a lot of alliteration and overdriven organ overload! Two siblings who seem to be their own best enemies dare their audience to withstand 76 mix-and-match minutes devoid of true pop songs. Listening to any given song on Blueberry Boat is like being in fifth grade and trying to solve a long math equation with lots of fractions but no common denominators. On one track, a lo-fi section about aspiring to repair typewriters flows into an upbeat segment about farmers and foul play that then turns into a contemporary tale of betrayal. The meandering tracks interrupt themselves; many of the songs are “A Quick One” epics. But every fragment creates tension and momentum and adheres to the next to form an art-, synth-, pop-, postmodern-, experimental-, junk-rock sorta concept album for ADD nation.

* * *

Length Matters
I write long sentences. Sorry about that.

* * *

2005-01-29T16:08:00.000-06:00

You Know It's a Great Day When ...
The first words you hear are "butt raped by a large inmate."

I woke up to the end of "Date Rape" by Sublime this morning.

* * *

2005-01-25T23:55:00.000-06:00

Bumper Sticker Blues
To all the jerks whose cars still proudly wear the Bush/Cheney '04 stickers: You won. It's official. We know. So quit gloating, grab a razor blade, and start scraping.

P.S.: Did you hear that the current supply of stem cells is tainted? And Bush needs $80 billion for war costs? And the White House projects this year's federal deficit will be $427 billion? And neocons want to take down Iran?

* * *

2005-01-24T01:28:00.000-06:00

2004: The Year I Did Not Listen to Music II

Everything I Wish I Didn’t Know: Least-Favorite Singles from 2004
Few songs made me change the station more quickly than these:

10. “Vertigo” by U2 :: Unless it’s the snippet in the iPod commercial, I say, “Goodbye, goodbye.”

9. “Numb/Encore” by Linkin Park and Jay-Z :: After I heard this, I heard an unauthorized mash-up of Linkin Park and Jay-Z tracks that truly deserved an encore for actually mashing up the tracks instead of splicing them side by side and cashing in.

8. “Love Song” by 311 :: This Cure cover induced more cringes than Rob Schneider’s character in 50 First Dates.

7. “Pain” by Jimmy Eat World :: Allow me to defer to the lovable haters at Pitchfork.

6. “The Reason” by Hoobastank :: The reason Hoobastank stinks? This snoozy power ballad takes no risks.

5. “My Band” by D12 :: When the “My Band” video ended the first time I saw it, this novelty went stale. Extra penalties for calling itself a D12 hit when it’s really an Eminem song.

4. “Welcome Back” by Ma$e :: If this is all the mush-mouthed Puff Daddy protegé has to offer, then don’t call it a comeback. Instead, call it a goback as in: Go back to being a minister or whatever you did after “Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems.”

3. “Yeah!” by Usher (feat. Lil Jon and Ludacris) :: No! Usher, you are not Justin Timberlake, who is not Michael Jackson. To Lil Jon and America: Sorry! I’m just not feeling the production. I need something more than finger cymbals and synths. OK?!

2. “Imagine” by A Perfect Circle :: How could James Iha allow this to happen? Not a fantastic song to begin with, “Imagine” remade leaves nothing to listeners’ imaginations. This song is deep! It’s dark! It’s a muddled dirge! It means … something! The following people are rolling in their graves: John Lennon, Phil Spector, Yoko Ono and Adrian.

1. “[Insert song title]” by Ashlee Simpson :: Pull the silver spoon out of your acid-refluxing throat and listen: Worse than Ticketmaster, the RIAA, Clear Channel and other forces of evil, you have disrespected your audience, your father, your band, your sister and everyone who turns on the radio or has to channel-surf past MTV. If you don’t love performing, if you don’t care enough about your art to strive to understand and communicate a little truth, if you need a few years to grow up, fine. Quit wasting your time and ours. Don’t be a musician.

* * *

2005-01-23T13:36:00.000-06:00

Leno's Next
Johnny Carson died.

Weird. I just read about him the other day.

* * *

2005-01-19T17:52:00.000-06:00

'Dying on the Banks of Embarcadero Skies' (Reposted)
Have I blogged about going to San Francisco? Don't remember. Anyway, with a little help from my dad and his free-flight voucher, I gave Kristin (and myself) a trip to the city by the bay for Christmas, her birthday (this Saturday) and Valentine's Day. We're going in March — just in time to stock up on some BALCO goodies before Opening Day of the baseball season.

I booked hotel reservations through Hotwire. We're staying at the Westin St. Francis right on Union Square.

I checked the Time Out guide I gave to Kristin. Our lodging apparently is luxurious. The hotel also apparently is a death trap. Time Out offered these tidbits:

• People tried to assassinate President Gerald Ford outside of it twice, I think. Al Jolson died there. And best of all, a proto-Hollywood sex scandal allegedly occurred there. Silent-movie star Fatty Arbuckle allegedly raped and killed a woman in the hotel. (Thanks to everyone's favorite history of American journalism instructor for keeping me awake during the lecture in which she mentioned the Arbuckle debacle.)

• The glass elevators zip up at a rate of about 1000 feet per minute. Originally, they lifted at about 2000 feet per minute. Engineers or mechanics or Otis guys or whoever lowered the rate so riders would not be scared.

In another life, this place must have been called the Bates Motel. The San Andreas Fault probably runs under it.

I'm pretty excited.

* * *

2005-01-18T23:50:00.000-06:00

Beatlebums' Blues
Resist not Universal Blues by The Redwalls.

* * *

Like a Fine Wine (Sans Factual Errors)
Sideways is a great movie because it feels like a novel.

It puts to good use some basic storytelling techniques and elements: in particular, foreshadowing, character foils (with a nod to John Knowles' A Separate Peace, which is known for its foils), plenty of exposition, rising action galore and a climax that seems perfectly obvious and obviously perfect once it hits. Together in this tidy, funny film, all these storytelling elements made me feel like a boy begging my parents to read me the story again, again, again.

* * *

Uncle and Aunt Transplant
I have an aunt who has donated and received kidney transplants. Her husband/my uncle donated one of his kidneys to her a few years ago. Since then, they have been pretty healthy and have participated in the U.S. Transplant Games on Team Illinois. The event is a nonprofit organ-donation Olympics sort of thing that recognizes and raises awareness of the importance of organ donation.

Anyway, my aunt alerted me to an easy way to help Team Illinois raise funds for future trips to the Games. If you plan to purchase something from Amazon, you can search for whatever you want via the special Amazon search bar on this page. Then, when you make the purchase, some of the money you spend goes to Team Illinois. You're not donating an organ, but Amazon is donating some money.

Tell them Every Sunday: Drag sent you, and while you're at it, tell my aunt and uncle that tonight, I used the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine they gave me for Christmas to make some turkey burgers, and it knocked me out.

* * *

P.S.
At least one more 2004 music list still to come. Eventually. I promise.

* * *

2005-01-10T20:53:00.000-06:00

2004: The Year I Did Not Listen to Music
Because I heard less new music in 2004 than in other years (blame baseball, TV and stinginess), I cannot justify calling my best-of lists best-of lists. Let’s call them favorite-from lists.

All Right, Already: Favorite Singles from 2004
(Eligible singles earned analog or Web radio play or were available for download outside of peer-to-peer sharing services.)

10. “New Health Rock” by TV on the Radio :: “Staring at the Sun” huffed and puffed and blew over like a house of cards because it tried to build up without sufficient percussion, the brick of rock music. “New Health Rock” has a backbone and a backbeat and makes me think I still could care about TV on the Radio.

09. “A Favor House Atlantic” by Coheed and Cambria :: A goth-emo-metal angstfest with androgynous vocals and hidden hooks? If it has all-out cathartic performances, sign me up.

08. “Overnight Celebrity” by Twista :: A slow jam on speed with Twista’s supadope rapid rapping, Kanye West’s sped-up sampling, smooth tickled ivories and the classic come-on “Let me be your manager.” Thank goodness someone is keeping alive the traditions of double entendre, blues boasting and seduction in popular song.

07. “Maps” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs :: The idiots at Interscope should have released this heartstopping tearjerker when Fever to Tell came out in 2003.

06. “Jesus Walks” by Kanye West :: (Called an audible in the fourth quarter of 2004 here.) “Jesus Walks” replaces “All Falls Down” on this list because it’s so subversive and conflicted. Is Kanye saintly or sinful? Is he another arrogant rapper or a humble servant of the/a Lord? Is he saving his listeners by sacrificing his career, or is he blaspheming by posing as both Pilate and a crucified Christ? Sometimes questions are more powerful than answers.

05. “American Idiot” by Green Day :: Makes every Green Day song since Dookie seem a thousand times poopier. Because Billy Joe and Co. gave up the brain stew and gave this anthem plenty of broadness and “My Generation” ferocity, it will sound just as fresh and timely in 2008. Though I’m sure the Green Day gents wish this song were already dated. I know I do.

04. “The Sound of Settling” by Death Cab for Cutie :: Ba, ba, this is a really catchy song. Ba, ba. Ba, ba.

03. “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand :: Take me out to the disco. Take me out with The Strokes. Buy me some tea and some skinny pants. I don’t care if I ever get back. For it’s root, root, root for Franz Ferdinand. If they’re assassinated, it’s a shame. For it’s one, two, three on my list of 2004 faves!

02. “Bam Thwok” by Pixies :: This is what it sounds like when pigs fly. My sister received an iPod mini for Christmas. Before I left Illinois, I helped her set up iTunes. I gave her 99 cents and forced her to download this explosion of giddy energy before anything else. It rocks that much.

01. “Float On” by Modest Mouse :: The ultimate split 7” of this decade would have “Do You Realize??” on one side, and on the opposite would be “Float On.” I first heard it while lying in bed listening to my clock radio on a sunny spring Saturday morning. My feet tapped under the sheets. The odd and colloquial lyrics, barked vocals and staccato and whammied guitar of old-school Modest Mouse remained. But Isaac Brock had taken on the universe and won. He grabbed the macro and made it micro and produced a song and message that could appeal to the tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free. I leapt out of bed, threw open the vertical blinds and felt ready for the rest of the year. Probably the rest of my life. Every morning I heard it on the radio became a good day. On countless afternoons, I inserted the album into my car stereo after work. “Float On” would start as I turned onto the I-435 West entrance ramp. The song marching from the speakers made merging into rush-hour traffic the highlight of my day. All right, already, OK, don’t worry, even if things get heavy, “Float On” alleviates, energizes, inspires …

* * *

Mentions of Honor
Can you tell I listened to a lot of commercial rock radio this year? I haven’t heard Gwen Stefani’s single or “Goodies” (?) or anything else, really. Was it because Big Radio played a lot of indie rock, or was it because 2004 was a very low-brow year for me?

• “Golden” by My Morning Jacket
• “Naked as We Came” by Iron & Wine
• “Miracle Drug” by A.C. Newman
• “99 Problems” by Jay-Z
• “Change of Living” by The Only Children
• “Somebody Told Me” by The Killers
• “You’re Too Straight to Love Me” by oh my god
• “Theologians” by Wilco
• “Unmade Bed” by Sonic Youth
• “The Merry Widows of Joe Cain”/“Johnny” by The Pine Hill Haints and “South of the South” by Dave Dondero (split 7”)

* * *

2005-01-08T11:10:00.000-06:00

Wave of Donation
An employee of my company set up the Wave Relief site with information about tsunami aid and charities.

* * *

Plane of Pain
What the?

* * *

A Sideways Stream of Kinseyness
Last night, I bought tickets to see Sideways with Kristin, but the only pair of open seats together was in the front row. The only time I watched a movie in the front row was winter break 1998 when my ex-ex-girlfriend, a bunch of other kids and I saw Patch Adams. I still am not sure whether being so close to the screen made the movie better or worse.

(Side note to Hollywood: DVD formats already include widescreen and fullscreen. Why not add widescreen-as-seen-from-the-front-row-of-a-theater? Such a format will sell as well as DVD copies of Patch Adams.)

We did not want to sit in the front row, so — Oh. Looks like someone already told this story.

Thoughts on the biopic Kinsey:
• I really liked that the filmmakers used Kinsey giving his own sexual history as the device that drove the narrative.
• It's nice to see Chris O'Donnell working. Last time I saw him in a movie, he was Val Kilmer's sidekick in Batman Forever. Or I guess he must have been George Clooney's sidekick (and one of the title characters!) in Batman & Robin, but who remembers that movie anyway? Even the soundtrack with that Smashing Pumpkins song sucked.
• John Lithgow reprises his role in Footloose.
• SPOILER ALERT! No one dies at the end. Nice touch.
• Biopics bother me. I don't trust them. I feel like I'm learning, but I don't know what is true and what is based on truth. Documentaries and biographies and news stories present parts of the truth and cannot tell the whole truth, but at least we can trust that everything happened. I think this is why I have gravitated toward documentaries in the past few years. Of course, because he basically makes movies about himself, you can't trust Michael Moore farther than you can throw him. And you can't throw him anywhere, so I guess you can't trust him. Seriously, I saw him on The Tonight Show last night, and he's bigger than Jay Leno's chin. Or maybe TV cameras add 150 lbs. The movie screen probably subtracts 150. These clichés are burying me. Or maybe the fast food he eats in the editing room puts on the pounds. I wonder whether he saw Super Size Me. Michael Moore probably would have made that movie if he were less chubby and less political. But did his politics really skew the truth in Fahrenheit 9/11? Everything on screen happened. Even if he and I weren't on the same side, I wouldn't have felt deceived, would I? Maybe just uncomfortable. I'm probably giving everyone too much credit. His movies should be called op-ed films, not documentaries. I can't stand talk radio or personality-obsessed cable news shows, but paradoxically, I like reading op-ed pages and what certain columnists say. I like knowing about real people and events. Yeah, the real is where it's at. Biopics should come with footnotes. Beautiful actors, special effects and footnotes. That'll work. It's weird to think that other movies don't do the American Splendor thing and let the actual subject — if living, of course — preside over the film. In a more ideal movie industry, such a technique would be more common than innovative. I guess the solution I have adopted is to rest my urge to learn and enjoy the story when I'm in the theater.
• Recommended.

Thanks to Paul for his Sideways recommendation. Next week, we'll have to buy tickets for Kinsey and go into the Sideways theater.

* * *

It's Official: I'm a Kansas Citian
Tonight, Kristin, Excelsior Springs native Æ and I go to Lawrence to see a "10th anniversary" Get Up Kids show that will be filmed and recorded for a live CD/DVD release. The gossip of the town: Is the band breaking up this year?

* * *

'People Who Died'
Funeral by The Arcade Fire and A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers share some themes and create similar mood as well.

My brain has not experienced such thematic synergy between a book and album since I read The Catcher in the Rye while listening to OK Computer in 1997.

* * *

Dimebag Mailbag
Remember that "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott died when a crazed fan shot him during a concert last month? Well, a writer for The Pitch looked at the story from an interesting angle.

When I read it, I thought the writer misinterpreted a quote comparing Abbott's death to John Lennon's death when he wrote, "But the loftiest accolade came from Dream Theater drummer Mike Portnoy, who called Abbott's murder 'as tragic and unbelievable as [John] Lennon getting killed.'"

To me, Portnoy acknowledges the similarities in the circumstances of the two musicians' deaths. I suspect, in his haste and in the interest of his story, the writer incorrectly assumed Portnoy was comparing Abbott to Lennon. Maybe I'm being too technical.

The story as a whole seems harsh and indulgent but not completely disrespectful. I understand the writer questions the fans' sudden "adoration" more than the guitarist's talent and legacy.

Needless to say, lots of letter-writing metal fans do not share my reading and want all sorts of nasty things to happen to the writer.

The whole cycle sort of makes metal fans and music writers look like insensitive, jumping-to-conclusions jerks.

* * *

2005-01-05T16:25:00.000-06:00

'You're Listening to W-I-Don't-Have-to-Go-to-Work-Today'*
Because of an ice storm and wretched wintry weather in Wednesday's forecast, my company kept the office closed. So I slept in while poor Kristin toiled away at her gig.

*This line comes from the late-era John Hughes movie Uncle Buck starring the late John Candy. 'Tis a family favorite where I come from.

* * *

Cooperstown Cub
Ryne Sandberg, my favorite baseball player when I was a kid, was voted into the Hall of Fame. My dad, brother and I might go to the hall for the induction this summer.

* * *

2005-01-02T22:20:00.000-06:00

For DJ Usurp, Hallowed Be Thy Name
Ooh and ahh at my Christmas gift to DJ Usurp.

* * *

2004-12-30T23:17:00.000-06:00

Surrealism on State Street
Today in Geneva, Ill., I complained to the mayor of the town while standing near a Swedish youth hockey team.

* * *

Glad You Asked
So what have I been up to during my vacation?

Chillin', minding my business, visiting with family, helping bake homemade goodies, buying records with Adrian and Ray, listening to new (to me) CDs, playing MarioKart Double Dash on Nintendo GameCube, hanging out with friends, watching the Mizzou men's basketball team lose to No. 1 Illinois by six points and defeat No. 21 Gonzaga by two, standing by while pros repair my car, becoming even more convinced that being able to buy prescription drugs from Canada would be a good thing, etc.

* * *

2004-12-28T23:45:00.000-06:00

Tsuper Tsunami
WGN-TV chief meteorologist Tom Skilling sez:

Incredibly, the magnitude 9.0 earthquake that struck off Sumatra on Sunday morning caused a vertical displacement of so much material that the rotation period of the Earth has been permanently altered. By a tiny but measurable amount, the Earth is now rotating more quickly on its axis, and the 24-hour day is now one ten-thousandth second shorter. That's the result of calculations based on preliminary data made by Oak Park astronomer Dr. Leslie M. Golden. It's analogous to the increase in rotational speed that a twirling ice skater experiences when he or she draws in their arms. It is estimated that during the Sumatran quake, a block of material roughly 600 miles in length and 100 miles in width fell 30 feet closer to the Earth's axis of rotation. The planet has responded by rotating more rapidly, albeit ever so slightly, and our 24-hour days are now one ten-thousandth second shorter.

Whoa.

* * *

Notes on Death
Susan Sontag? She dead.

* * *

Welcome Back, Blogger
Don't miss FRS' best-singles-of-2K4 list.

* * *

2004-12-24T01:10:00.000-06:00

Retail Retards
(Pardon the use of the word retard. Back in undergrad, I eradicated such insensitive usage, and here, I use it primarily for alliteration. And yes, I know I overuse alliteration, but I am not about to start to underuse it. So sorry.)

Tonight, I asked a cashier at Target to activate a gift card with a $15 value. When I arrived at home, I looked at the receipt. She had added $14. Apparently, $14 gift cards are the Tickle-Me Elmos of 2004. Even so, the $14 leaves me $1 short of the minimum for a Christmas grab-bag exchange. So I have paper-clipped a dollar bill to the gift card. Thank you, Target team member for making my gift extra tacky!

I buy six slices of Muenster cheese almost every week because the sandwich rolls I purchase come in a package of six. I seldom eat more than six slices, so I choose not to buy more and waste it. Counting slices exactly can't be tougher than estimating weight to two decimals of a pound. I don't think my demands are unreasonable. Yet two Sundays ago, I asked a deli drone at Hy-Vee for the usual six slices, and a minute later, he handed me a thick hunk of cheese. The price looked a lot higher than usual, and the package felt heavy. Confused, I turned the plastic bag and started to count the slices inside. At least sixteen. I asked for six.

Knowing this, the guy behind the counter offered this lame excuse before I said anything: "They're really hard to separate."

Well, it's really hard for me to understand why you want to work in a deli, where a large part of your workload involves separating slices of meat and cheese from other slices. I asked for six slices. What am I going to do with these extra slices, especially when I'm going home early the next week and won't be eating according to my normal work-week lunch schedule? Jerk.

If you work for a retailer, please learn to listen to customers. We are always right, but you don't always have to be wrong.

* * *

Open Letter to Fantasy Baseball Commissioners
Paul told me today he can't wait for the fantasy baseball season. Neither can I, and when he brought it up, I thought about a couple things.

If you're planning to get the league back together for 2005, please do not schedule the draft between March 11 and 14. Wearing flowers in my hair, I'll be going to San Francisco to buy a special rehabilitation cream and to hire a personal trainer for the players that end up on my team.

Seriously, though, I am 99 percent sure I'll be in San Francisco then.

And if you want this year to be an expansion season, my brother will be available to manage a team.

Thanks for your time.

* * *

2004-12-22T01:30:00.000-06:00

Big Brother Shuts His Big Mouth
I feel bad for all you only children and younger siblings out there. Just because I was born a few years before my siblings, I am allowed and expected to pick on them. It's great.

I admit, however, that I bit my tongue tonight when my sister asked me a question that perfectly set up an insult. I can be a sensitive big brother. But the mean-spirited bit of sarcasm I kept to myself is too good to forget, so allow me to share what I could have said.

First, the setup: My sister crashed into a parked car in a parking lot this evening. No one was hurt, and I don't think the damage is too bad. Of course, she was upset. She had been home for a while after the accident and had calmed down when she stopped by my bedroom and asked a question.

We said:

Little sister: Where's your car?
Big brother: I parked it on the side of the house.

We almost said:

Little sister: Where's your car?
Big brother: Why? Do you want to hit it?

Rimshot!

* * *

Tuesdays with Doris
My grandmother's doctors think she has a form of ALS. Maybe I should spend time with her each week and then publish her life lessons in an inspirational bestseller. Bestseller? Best-seller? Where's the Vox style guide when I need it?)

Or maybe I'll set up a microphone in a reverberant baseball stadium so she can say, "Today (today, today), I consider myself (myself, myself) ... "

Oh, but that won't work because she can't really speak anymore. She has the mental capacity to communicate; however, her mouth and tongue and throat just don't really work anymore.

She can't swallow, either, so she has a feeding tube now. Like Kanye West when his jaw was wired shut, my grandma is going to have a "Boost for breakfast and Ensure for dizzert."

I realize I am poking fun to deal with information that makes me uncomfortable. Forgive me. It's just hard to swallow all at once. I could use a bad-news feeding tube, I guess.

* * *

2004-12-19T01:54:00.000-06:00

'This Place Is a Dump'
Said I when my lady friend and I walked through the Fairmont to her agency's holiday party. Me so facetious.

But seriously, the painting that looks like Rothko doing Monet's haystacks in winter is pretty gaudy.

* * *

These Chicks Are Ugly
I want to work where Kristin works because all the ladies are attractive. Can I get a yowza?

* * *

This Party Is Hoppin'
I hosted a holiday party today. Including the host and the host's girlfriend, four people attended.

But I think the other two guys had a decent time. I'm glad they came. Thanks for stopping by!

* * *

This Song Sucks
Best of 2004 Preview: Who knew a goth-emo-metal song with androgynous vocals would climb my list of favorite singles of 2004?

* * *

2004-12-16T01:05:00.000-06:00

O Tannenbaum, O 'Tenenbaums'
I'm watching The Royal Tenenbaums on FX while I post this photo of my Christmas tree and do some other things.

Photo by Kristin

* * *

2004-12-14T21:41:00.000-06:00

Not as Bad as It Sounds
My grandmother has a "degenerative neurological disorder" and is in the hospital this very second because she had to undergo one of those tests that require the patient to swallow barium, but the liquid went into her lungs. I am fighting a cold. I applied for a credit card but received a letter saying my application was rejected. My knuckles are chapped. I couldn't find a handful of gifts I wanted to purchase today. I keep screwing up — nothing bad; just frustrating — at work. My girlfriend's job frustrates her. My car seems to be getting poor gas mileage.

But I received an e-mail from a friend I don't hear from much. My Christmas tree looks good. I have had lots of fun with the gf since Saturday evening. I have a plan. I finished writing some record reviews last week. My last day of work until 2005 is Friday. DMA is going to be in KC soon. It's almost time to write out my best-of-2004 lists.

Can't complain.

* * *

2004-12-07T23:18:00.000-06:00

Pay Full Price
Or don't.

I didn't. When I saw an advance screening of Ocean's Twelve tonight, I saw it for free.

But had I paid full price, I would have been a satisfied customer. I think this sequel is more entertaining than the original, by which I mean the previous movie, which was a remake.

The film, of course, is stylish, quick and funny. Steven Soderbergh also does his usual postmodern/indulgent Hollywood song and dance with predictable — yet crowd-pleasing — results.

Best of all, Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones have nude scenes. Not true; just a lame attempt to increase Web traffic to this blog.

* * *

2004-12-05T01:51:00.000-06:00

Just Say Yes to Comedy-Enhancing Drugs
Check out MagneticMediaFed, read correction No. 3, and click the link in it.

I think RJP has rubbed "the cream" on his funnybone.

* * *

In the Ghutter
Get your mind out of it, ye who snickered whilst reading the final sentence in the above entry.

* * *

Pigskin
I forgot to blog about going to Monday Night Football at Arrowhead Stadium for free on the Monday before Thanksgiving.

One of the tailgating buses or RVs had a GOP elephant flag on it.

* * *

Hoops
Did anyone else watch the No. 3 University of Illinois Fighting Illini destroy the No. 1 Demon Deacons of Wake Forest University on Thursday?

I'm pretty sure the white guy who dressed as the fictional American Indian Chief Illiniwek and performed a crazy halftime dance was the X-factor.

* * *

Pridemedia
In 2005, my company will start extending benefits to employees' same-sex domestic partners.

* * *

2004-12-01T13:07:00.000-06:00

Find the Margarita Murder Victims
Hey kids! Gather 'round. It's time to play a new game here at Every Sunday: Drag.

Find an image of two hunky bloggers slain by killer margaritas on Saturday, and you win a prize.

The prize is experiencing the beauty captured in the photo. Trust us.

* * *

2004-11-27T16:46:00.000-06:00

Little Knitter
I miss Kristin, who should click on this underlined white text, scroll to the bottom of the page and click on some more links.

* * *

Thanksgetting Home
Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, about six inches of snow fell where I live and work in suburban Kansas City. Reversing out of my parking spot in the morning was a challenge, and the roads to work were slick, but I arrived right on time. I worried the flights out of KCI would depart late, but when I arrived for my 3:30 flight to Chicago, it was on time.

After an unexpected 30-minute delay, I boarded the plane. But right before 4 p.m., the captain reported that Chicago weather had become a mess. So we sat on the plane still docked at the gate. And we sat. And we sat. And my dad sat in his car in Chicago while waiting for me.

If I hadn't purchased and read the new issue of Spin (thanks to Paul and Rachel for the recommendations; the story about Elliott Smith was sad and scary; the Chuck Klosterman and Dave Eggers stories indeed were fun and artfully written), I would have been more bored and annoyed. I felt worse for my dad.

We left at 6:03 p.m. When the pilots were landing the plane around 7:20, the plane slid side to side in the windy sky. I felt the same sensation I felt earlier in the morning. A plane landing in strong wind is like a car driving on slushy streets.

* * *

2004-11-21T18:35:00.000-06:00

Putting the 'K' in KCOU
Today, I stumbled upon Jason K-Fer's Web site. For the past three years, his year-end best-of lists have helped me complete my Christmas wishlists.

* * *

Hoosier Daddy?
If I were in a fantasy basketball league, and if I had drafted "Rapping" Ron Artest, Stephen Jackson or Jermaine O'Neal, I would be dropping them from my team right about now.

* * *

Bring in Da Funk
This week, Kristin received two tickets to a gala dance performance in downtown Kansas City. We attended last night.

Never before had I seen professional dancers do their thing. Not bad. The first segment featured choreography to Stevie Wonder songs and weird electronic and hip-hop beats.

The third portion used traditional gospel songs. 'Twas OK.

The second program, however, was my favorite. In front of white, yellow, red and blue lights reminiscent of the floor in Saturday Night Fever, the modern-dance artists shook their groove thangs to Earth, Wind & Fire tunes.

All I have to say is: Why don't I have any Earth, Wind & Fire music in my flawed CD collection?! Good lord, it was good.

Earlier this week, I checked out some quality CDs from the library. Remain in Light by Talking Heads is one of them, and it is — to quote Humpty Hump of The Digital Underground and to assume that this phrase is positive — "crazy, wack, funky." If you have not heard this record, imagine David Byrne's paranoid lyrics, Brian Eno's jack-of-all-trades brilliance and the most enthusiastic funk band ever (Tina Weymouth, Chris Frantz and Jerry Harrison), and you have the first side, especially, of Remain in Light.

So I think I like funk music. I guess. Who knew?

* * *

2004-11-20T13:01:00.000-06:00

Paige Paid for Papers?
The Kansas City Star reports that "20/20" broadcast a segment about Paige "Sports Arena" Laurie paying someone to do her class work.

* * *

2004-11-14T21:20:00.000-06:00

iWait
We at Every Sunday: Drag have decided not to purchase an iPod or other such mp3 player until our friends in the world of technology innovate and design an iPod-sized machine that can store and play thousands of high-quality audio files, track baseball scores, send and receive phone calls and snap photographs.

* * *

iDunno
Do I want the Nirvana box set?

* * *

iBleed
How have the Pixies' Chicago shows been?

* * *

2004-11-14T14:25:00.000-06:00

R.I.P. O.D.B.
Rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard aka Dirt McGirt aka Big Baby Jesus aka Russell Jones died on Saturday.

* * *

2004-11-09T18:18:00.000-06:00

Funny/Not Funny
Find the good ol' grains of truth in this Onion story. You'll laugh, and about 48 percent of you will cry as well.

* * *

2004-11-09T13:58:00.000-06:00

Attention Former Columbia Residents
Remember when Kent Heitholt was murdered? Well, someone pleaded guilty. Thought you might be interested.

* * *

2004-11-07T23:57:00.000-06:00

'Lost in Younkers'
This weekend, Kristin and I met her parents in Des Moines for some shopping and dinner. I didn't need anything other than socks, but I like Kristin's parents* and weekend adventures, so I tagged along.

The spree started at Younkers (with a u), which, for my Chicago friends, is a sister store of Carson Pirie Scott. After hovering while Kristin and her mom looked at purses and shoes, I followed them past the human mannequins and up the escalator. Kristin wanted to find some new undergarments. I bolted for the men's section.

I didn't need anything, really. But I thought I should obey the unwritten rule prohibiting a boyfriend from helping his girlfriend find lingerie when his girlfriend's mother is present.

Kristin's dad, who went on his merry way immediately upon our arrival, caught up to me, and we both occupied ourselves in separate areas of the men's department. When I looked for socks, I lost track of him and proceeded to scour the lingerie department, the rest of the upper level, the lower level and then the upper level again for a familiar face. Finally, I spotted Kristin's dad, and he said I was almost "lost in Younkers."

Then we found a section of the men's department furnished with a flatscreen TV tuned to college football on ESPN, easy chairs and a respectable selection of magazines.

That's what shopping is all about.

*I wish Kristin would have as much fun with my family as I have with hers. My parents tend to stay out of the way when we are at my home. As a result, the ice hasn't broken very much, and Kristin is pretty timid. I blame myself for not being really close to my family.

* * *

California Hate
Overheard in a Des Moines restaurant: A hunter of mule deer complaining that California has "55 electorial (sic) votes."

* * *

Highly Recommended
The Incredibles.

It's about time Pixar and Disney released a good movie. (Me so facetious.)

But seriously, I haven't had so much fun watching a movie in a long time.

* * *

2004-11-05T01:04:00.000-06:00

WTF?

* * *

2004-10-31T13:04:00.000-06:00

An -Ism for Everything
I just read a compelling argument against rockism, an -ism I did not know existed until the essay told me so.

* * *

Happy Halloween
I listened to Thriller today, and the scariest song on that album remains "The Girl Is Mine," a duet between Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney.

* * *

E.V. and I
... Are excited to vote on Tuesday. Some lyrics from Pearl Jam's Riot Act b-side "Undone":

Can't wait for Election Day.
Witness the occupation.
Corporations rule the day.
Well, you know the pendulum throws
Farther out to the one side swinging.
Has to sweep back the other way.

The world has come undone.
Another day and who can wait?
Change don't come at once.
It's a wave building before it breaks.

* * *